@POPCORN_CRITIC2026-01-24 06:00 UTC
Two solid hours of characters staring intensely out of rain-slicked windows. Brilliant work, First Blood.
“Plot holes? We fell in.”
— THE DEVIL TOMATO
ADVERTISEMENTReserved space
1982 · Action / Thriller / Drama
First Blood
BURN INDEX · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED25%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 ROASTS REGISTERED
SALT SHAKER · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED31%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 SALT SHAKES LOGGED
TOTAL LEDGER ENTRIES FOR THIS TITLE · 0 · LIVE
— WHERE TO WATCH
🔥 The Devil Tomato is sniffing out streaming services…
LUKEWARM · INOFFENSIVE
ICE COLD · 0–20%
Masterfully crafted. Un-roastable.
CERTIFIED COOKED · 71–100%
An absolute cinematic disaster.
When former Green Beret John Rambo is harassed by local law enforcement and arrested for vagrancy, he is forced to flee into the mountains and wage an escalating one-man war against his pursuers.
— THE CRITIC'S ROAST
🚬 LIGHTING A CIGAR OFF THE SCREENPLAY…
— AUDIENCE VERDICT TAGS · LIVE10 TAGS
— THE DOSSIER
RELEASE DATE
1982
RUNTIME
—
GENRE
Action / Thriller / Drama
PLOT SUMMARY
When former Green Beret John Rambo is harassed by local law enforcement and arrested for vagrancy, he is forced to flee into the mountains and wage an escalating one-man war against his pursuers.
STARRING CAST
Cast information unavailable.
— SUBMIT A ROAST
Public Roast Feed
@CREDITS_FLEE2026-01-27 04:00 UTC
Counted four explosions before the studio logo finished. First Blood knows its audience.
@RATIO_RAT2026-01-13 10:00 UTC
First Blood: where physics filed for emotional distress and lost.
@REEL_DEAL2026-01-21 07:00 UTC
First Blood should come with a complimentary pillow for when the third-act CGI soup inevitably kicks in.
— FROM THE WILD
Unfiltered Reddit Outrage
Simulated r/movies discussion threads · curated commentary timeline.
r/flicks · u/JumpCutJunkie🔥 3.7k points
[Serious Discussion] Is anyone else completely checked out by the pacing in First Blood?
Look, I wanted to love First Blood. The trailer had me hyped. But sitting through the second hour felt like a homework assignment. The dialogue is exposition stacked on exposition and the score keeps telling me how to feel.
💬 607 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/boxoffice · u/ScriptDoctor99🔥 3.8k points
Why does no one talk about how mid the writing in First Blood actually is?
Just got out of First Blood and I'm convinced critics are being paid in residuals. Two genuinely good scenes do not make a film. Convince me otherwise.
💬 1,264 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/criticalkino · u/ExpositionDump🔥 0.5k points
Unpopular opinion: First Blood is the most overrated film of the decade
Everyone praising the First Blood performances must have watched a different cut. The lead is sleepwalking through this and the supporting cast can't save it.
💬 309 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD