@TRAILER_TROLL2026-01-12 11:00 UTC
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is what happens when a writers' room confuses "ambiguous" with "didn't finish the draft".
“This film is a war crime against cinema.”
— THE DEVIL TOMATO
ADVERTISEMENTReserved space
2009 · Adventure / Action / Thriller / Sci-Fi
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
BURN INDEX · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED42%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 ROASTS REGISTERED
SALT SHAKER · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED48%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 SALT SHAKES LOGGED
TOTAL LEDGER ENTRIES FOR THIS TITLE · 0 · LIVE
— WHERE TO WATCH
🔥 The Devil Tomato is sniffing out streaming services…
LUKEWARM · INOFFENSIVE
ICE COLD · 0–20%
Masterfully crafted. Un-roastable.
CERTIFIED COOKED · 71–100%
An absolute cinematic disaster.
From the Egyptian desert to deep below the polar ice caps, the elite G.I. JOE team uses the latest in next-generation spy and military equipment to fight the corrupt arms dealer Destro and the growing threat of the mysterious Cobra organization to prevent them from plunging the world into chaos.
— THE CRITIC'S ROAST
🍅 THE DEVIL TOMATO IS CACKLING IN THE PROJECTION BOOTH…
— AUDIENCE VERDICT TAGS · LIVE10 TAGS
— THE DOSSIER
RELEASE DATE
2009
RUNTIME
—
GENRE
Adventure / Action / Thriller / Sci-Fi
PLOT SUMMARY
From the Egyptian desert to deep below the polar ice caps, the elite G.I. JOE team uses the latest in next-generation spy and military equipment to fight the corrupt arms dealer Destro and the growing threat of the mysterious Cobra organization to prevent them from plunging the world into chaos.
STARRING CAST
Cast information unavailable.
— SUBMIT A ROAST
Public Roast Feed
@AISLE_GHOUL2026-01-06 07:00 UTC
If exposition were a contact sport, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra would be banned for life.
@POPCORN_CRITIC2026-01-02 23:00 UTC
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra treats "worldbuilding" the way a toddler treats a fruit bowl — enthusiastically, briefly, then forgotten.
@CREDITS_FLEE2026-01-16 02:00 UTC
Counted four explosions before the studio logo finished. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra knows its audience.
— FROM THE WILD
Unfiltered Reddit Outrage
Simulated r/movies discussion threads · curated commentary timeline.
r/movies · u/ExpositionDump🔥 4.2k points
Why does no one talk about how mid the writing in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra actually is?
Honestly, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra would be a tight 95-minute movie. Instead we got a bloated runtime padded with B-roll and lingering shots that add nothing.
💬 1,059 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/boxoffice · u/FrameByFrameFred🔥 2.6k points
Hot Take: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra's third act ruined what could have been a masterpiece
Everyone praising the G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra performances must have watched a different cut. The lead is sleepwalking through this and the supporting cast can't save it.
💬 1,501 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/TrueFilm · u/FrameByFrameFred🔥 1.0k points
[Spoilers] Can we discuss that absolutely baffling ending in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra?
Look, I wanted to love G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. The trailer had me hyped. But sitting through the second hour felt like a homework assignment. The dialogue is exposition stacked on exposition and the score keeps telling me how to feel.
💬 1,704 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD