@LATE_SHOW_LURKER2026-01-29 11:00 UTC
If Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales was a meal, it'd be unsalted rice with extra ego.
“The projector's on fire. Literally.”
— THE DEVIL TOMATO
ADVERTISEMENTReserved space
2017 · Adventure / Action / Fantasy
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
BURN INDEX · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED33%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 ROASTS REGISTERED
SALT SHAKER · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED39%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 SALT SHAKES LOGGED
TOTAL LEDGER ENTRIES FOR THIS TITLE · 0 · LIVE
— WHERE TO WATCH
🔥 The Devil Tomato is sniffing out streaming services…
LUKEWARM · INOFFENSIVE
ICE COLD · 0–20%
Masterfully crafted. Un-roastable.
CERTIFIED COOKED · 71–100%
An absolute cinematic disaster.
Thrust into an all-new adventure, a down-on-his-luck Capt. Jack Sparrow feels the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost sailors led by his old nemesis, the evil Capt. Salazar, escape from the Devil's Triangle. Jack's only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, but to find it, he must forge an uneasy alliance with a brilliant and beautiful astronomer and a headstrong young man in the British navy.
— THE CRITIC'S ROAST
🌶️ SHARPENING THE HORNS…
— AUDIENCE VERDICT TAGS · LIVE10 TAGS
— THE DOSSIER
RELEASE DATE
2017
RUNTIME
—
GENRE
Adventure / Action / Fantasy
PLOT SUMMARY
Thrust into an all-new adventure, a down-on-his-luck Capt. Jack Sparrow feels the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost sailors led by his old nemesis, the evil Capt. Salazar, escape from the Devil's Triangle. Jack's only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, but to find it, he must forge an uneasy alliance with a brilliant and beautiful astronomer and a headstrong young man in the British navy.
STARRING CAST
Cast information unavailable.
— SUBMIT A ROAST
Public Roast Feed
@TRAILER_TROLL2026-01-29 19:00 UTC
Watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales so you don't have to. You're welcome.
@AISLE_GHOUL2026-01-29 17:00 UTC
The science in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales has the same relationship to physics that I have to going to the gym: aspirational.
@POPCORN_CRITIC2026-01-14 11:00 UTC
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is what happens when a writers' room confuses "ambiguous" with "didn't finish the draft".
— FROM THE WILD
Unfiltered Reddit Outrage
Simulated r/movies discussion threads · curated commentary timeline.
r/movies · u/ReelTalkRanter🔥 2.7k points
[Serious Discussion] Is anyone else completely checked out by the pacing in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales?
Rewatched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales last night and noticed even more plot holes than the first time. The motivations don't track at all once you stop and think about act two.
💬 123 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/flicks · u/ContinuityKaren🔥 3.6k points
The cinematography in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is doing all the heavy lifting and it shows
Director clearly thought Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales was deeper than it is. There's a difference between ambiguous and unfinished, and this leans hard into the second.
💬 105 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/TrueFilm · u/ScriptDoctor99🔥 1.4k points
Why does no one talk about how mid the writing in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales actually is?
Honestly, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales would be a tight 95-minute movie. Instead we got a bloated runtime padded with B-roll and lingering shots that add nothing.
💬 148 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD