@ENDING_LEAKS2026-01-30 19:00 UTC
If John Carter was a meal, it'd be unsalted rice with extra ego.
“Even the credits needed a rewrite.”
— THE DEVIL TOMATO
ADVERTISEMENTReserved space
2012 · Action / Adventure / Sci-Fi
John Carter
BURN INDEX · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED36%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 ROASTS REGISTERED
SALT SHAKER · PLATFORM AVG
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TOTAL LEDGER ENTRIES FOR THIS TITLE · 0 · LIVE
— WHERE TO WATCH
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Masterfully crafted. Un-roastable.
CERTIFIED COOKED · 71–100%
An absolute cinematic disaster.
John Carter is a war-weary, former military captain who's inexplicably transported to the mysterious and exotic planet of Barsoom (Mars) and reluctantly becomes embroiled in an epic conflict. It's a world on the brink of collapse, and Carter rediscovers his humanity when he realizes the survival of Barsoom and its people rests in his hands.
— THE CRITIC'S ROAST
💀 APPLYING THIRD-DEGREE BURNS…
— AUDIENCE VERDICT TAGS · LIVE10 TAGS
— THE DOSSIER
RELEASE DATE
2012
RUNTIME
—
GENRE
Action / Adventure / Sci-Fi
PLOT SUMMARY
John Carter is a war-weary, former military captain who's inexplicably transported to the mysterious and exotic planet of Barsoom (Mars) and reluctantly becomes embroiled in an epic conflict. It's a world on the brink of collapse, and Carter rediscovers his humanity when he realizes the survival of Barsoom and its people rests in his hands.
STARRING CAST
Cast information unavailable.
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Public Roast Feed
@SCREEN_SHADE2026-01-15 11:00 UTC
Watched John Carter so you don't have to. You're welcome.
@LATE_SHOW_LURKER2026-01-22 13:00 UTC
The science in John Carter has the same relationship to physics that I have to going to the gym: aspirational.
@TRAILER_TROLL2026-01-10 21:00 UTC
John Carter is what happens when a writers' room confuses "ambiguous" with "didn't finish the draft".
— FROM THE WILD
Unfiltered Reddit Outrage
Simulated r/movies discussion threads · curated commentary timeline.
r/flicks · u/ThirdActTrouble🔥 0.6k points
[Serious Discussion] Is anyone else completely checked out by the pacing in John Carter?
Everyone praising the John Carter performances must have watched a different cut. The lead is sleepwalking through this and the supporting cast can't save it.
💬 762 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/TrueFilm · u/BoomMicBoomer🔥 1.1k points
Hot Take: John Carter's third act ruined what could have been a masterpiece
Director clearly thought John Carter was deeper than it is. There's a difference between ambiguous and unfinished, and this leans hard into the second.
💬 361 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/flicks · u/JumpCutJunkie🔥 4.8k points
Why does no one talk about how mid the writing in John Carter actually is?
Look, I wanted to love John Carter. The trailer had me hyped. But sitting through the second hour felt like a homework assignment. The dialogue is exposition stacked on exposition and the score keeps telling me how to feel.
💬 1,126 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/flicks · u/BoomMicBoomer🔥 2.5k points
Unpopular opinion: John Carter is the most overrated film of the decade
Honestly, John Carter would be a tight 95-minute movie. Instead we got a bloated runtime padded with B-roll and lingering shots that add nothing.
💬 421 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD