@SCREEN_SHADE2025-12-19 16:00 UTC
Guy Ritchie's The Covenant: where physics filed for emotional distress and lost.
“We laughed. Then we cried. Then we left.”
— THE DEVIL TOMATO
ADVERTISEMENTReserved space
2023 · War / Action / Thriller
Guy Ritchie's The Covenant
BURN INDEX · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED23%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 ROASTS REGISTERED
SALT SHAKER · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED29%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 SALT SHAKES LOGGED
TOTAL LEDGER ENTRIES FOR THIS TITLE · 0 · LIVE
— WHERE TO WATCH
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LUKEWARM · INOFFENSIVE
ICE COLD · 0–20%
Masterfully crafted. Un-roastable.
CERTIFIED COOKED · 71–100%
An absolute cinematic disaster.
After an ambush, Afghan interpreter Ahmed goes to Herculean lengths to save US Army Sergeant John Kinley's life. When Kinley learns that Ahmed and his family were not given safe passage to America as promised, he must return to the war zone and repay his debt.
— THE CRITIC'S ROAST
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— AUDIENCE VERDICT TAGS · LIVE10 TAGS
— THE DOSSIER
RELEASE DATE
2023
RUNTIME
—
GENRE
War / Action / Thriller
PLOT SUMMARY
After an ambush, Afghan interpreter Ahmed goes to Herculean lengths to save US Army Sergeant John Kinley's life. When Kinley learns that Ahmed and his family were not given safe passage to America as promised, he must return to the war zone and repay his debt.
STARRING CAST
Cast information unavailable.
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Public Roast Feed
@LATE_SHOW_LURKER2025-12-10 09:00 UTC
If Guy Ritchie's The Covenant was a meal, it'd be unsalted rice with extra ego.
@TRAILER_TROLL2025-12-20 12:00 UTC
Guy Ritchie's The Covenant: proof the studio reads its own marketing too literally.
@AISLE_GHOUL2025-12-25 08:00 UTC
Guy Ritchie's The Covenant should come with a complimentary pillow for when the third-act CGI soup inevitably kicks in.
— FROM THE WILD
Unfiltered Reddit Outrage
Simulated r/movies discussion threads · curated commentary timeline.
r/movies · u/ReelTalkRanter🔥 3.8k points
Unpopular opinion: Guy Ritchie's The Covenant is the most overrated film of the decade
Look, I wanted to love Guy Ritchie's The Covenant. The trailer had me hyped. But sitting through the second hour felt like a homework assignment. The dialogue is exposition stacked on exposition and the score keeps telling me how to feel.
💬 289 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/boxoffice · u/PopcornPhilosopher🔥 3.5k points
Hot Take: Guy Ritchie's The Covenant's third act ruined what could have been a masterpiece
Just got out of Guy Ritchie's The Covenant and I'm convinced critics are being paid in residuals. Two genuinely good scenes do not make a film. Convince me otherwise.
💬 1,860 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/TrueFilm · u/PracticalFX_Stan🔥 3.2k points
[Spoilers] Can we discuss that absolutely baffling ending in Guy Ritchie's The Covenant?
Honestly, Guy Ritchie's The Covenant would be a tight 95-minute movie. Instead we got a bloated runtime padded with B-roll and lingering shots that add nothing.
💬 557 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/flicks · u/ScriptDoctor99🔥 2.2k points
The cinematography in Guy Ritchie's The Covenant is doing all the heavy lifting and it shows
Everyone praising the Guy Ritchie's The Covenant performances must have watched a different cut. The lead is sleepwalking through this and the supporting cast can't save it.
💬 559 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD