@LATE_SHOW_LURKER2026-01-21 13:00 UTC
Haven: every character holds the idiot ball with both hands and a strap.
“Tomato tried to leave at intermission.”
— THE DEVIL TOMATO
ADVERTISEMENTReserved space
2010 · Drama / Sci-Fi / Mystery
Haven
BURN INDEX · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED25%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 ROASTS REGISTERED
SALT SHAKER · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED31%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 SALT SHAKES LOGGED
TOTAL LEDGER ENTRIES FOR THIS TITLE · 0 · LIVE
— WHERE TO WATCH
🔥 The Devil Tomato is sniffing out streaming services…
LUKEWARM · INOFFENSIVE
ICE COLD · 0–20%
Masterfully crafted. Un-roastable.
CERTIFIED COOKED · 71–100%
An absolute cinematic disaster.
FBI agent Audrey Parker arrives in the small town of Haven, Maine to solve a murder and soon discovers the town's many secrets—which also hold the key to unlocking the mysteries of her lost past.
— THE CRITIC'S ROAST
🍅 THE DEVIL TOMATO IS CACKLING IN THE PROJECTION BOOTH…
— AUDIENCE VERDICT TAGS · LIVE10 TAGS
— THE DOSSIER
RELEASE DATE
2010
RUNTIME
—
GENRE
Drama / Sci-Fi / Mystery
PLOT SUMMARY
FBI agent Audrey Parker arrives in the small town of Haven, Maine to solve a murder and soon discovers the town's many secrets—which also hold the key to unlocking the mysteries of her lost past.
STARRING CAST
Cast information unavailable.
— SUBMIT A ROAST
Public Roast Feed
@TRAILER_TROLL2026-01-25 20:00 UTC
The science in Haven has the same relationship to physics that I have to going to the gym: aspirational.
@AISLE_GHOUL2026-01-12 18:00 UTC
Haven treats "worldbuilding" the way a toddler treats a fruit bowl — enthusiastically, briefly, then forgotten.
@POPCORN_CRITIC2026-01-20 23:00 UTC
Even the popcorn looked bored during Haven.
— FROM THE WILD
Unfiltered Reddit Outrage
Simulated r/movies discussion threads · curated commentary timeline.
r/movies · u/CinephileCynic🔥 1.4k points
[Serious Discussion] Is anyone else completely checked out by the pacing in Haven?
Everyone praising the Haven performances must have watched a different cut. The lead is sleepwalking through this and the supporting cast can't save it.
💬 137 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/movies · u/PopcornPhilosopher🔥 3.3k points
[Spoilers] Can we discuss that absolutely baffling ending in Haven?
Look, I wanted to love Haven. The trailer had me hyped. But sitting through the second hour felt like a homework assignment. The dialogue is exposition stacked on exposition and the score keeps telling me how to feel.
💬 812 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/criticalkino · u/ContinuityKaren🔥 2.8k points
The cinematography in Haven is doing all the heavy lifting and it shows
Director clearly thought Haven was deeper than it is. There's a difference between ambiguous and unfinished, and this leans hard into the second.
💬 898 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD