@TRAILER_TROLL2026-01-28 17:00 UTC
I've seen screen savers with more depth and fewer unnecessary lens flares than Criminal Minds.
2005 · Crime / Drama / Mystery / Thriller
Criminal Minds
BURN INDEX · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED19%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 ROASTS REGISTERED
SALT SHAKER · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED25%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 SALT SHAKES LOGGED
TOTAL LEDGER ENTRIES FOR THIS TITLE · 0 · LIVE
ICE COLD · STRUCTURALLY PERFECT
ICE COLD · 0–20%
Masterfully crafted. Un-roastable.
CERTIFIED COOKED · 71–100%
An absolute cinematic disaster.
No synopsis available. Probably for the best.
— THE CRITIC'S ROAST
🚬 LIGHTING A CIGAR OFF THE SCREENPLAY…
— AUDIENCE VERDICT TAGS · LIVE10 TAGS
— THE DOSSIER
RELEASE DATE
2005
RUNTIME
—
GENRE
Crime / Drama / Mystery / Thriller
PLOT SUMMARY
Synopsis withheld out of mercy.
STARRING CAST
Cast information unavailable.
— SUBMIT A ROAST
Public Roast Feed
@AISLE_GHOUL2026-01-14 10:00 UTC
If Criminal Minds was a meal, it'd be unsalted rice with extra ego.
@POPCORN_CRITIC2026-01-07 01:00 UTC
Criminal Minds is a cinematic experience designed specifically for film students who want to feel superior at dinner parties.
@CREDITS_FLEE2026-01-03 03:00 UTC
Criminal Minds thinks "scary" means turning the lights off and slamming a kitchen drawer.
— FROM THE WILD
Unfiltered Reddit Outrage
Simulated r/movies discussion threads · curated commentary timeline.
r/boxoffice · u/ExpositionDump🔥 4.4k points
[Serious Discussion] Is anyone else completely checked out by the pacing in Criminal Minds?
Look, I wanted to love Criminal Minds. The trailer had me hyped. But sitting through the second hour felt like a homework assignment. The dialogue is exposition stacked on exposition and the score keeps telling me how to feel.
💬 85 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/flicks · u/MidnightMatinee🔥 2.2k points
Unpopular opinion: Criminal Minds is the most overrated film of the decade
Everyone praising the Criminal Minds performances must have watched a different cut. The lead is sleepwalking through this and the supporting cast can't save it.
💬 1,007 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/TrueFilm · u/PopcornPhilosopher🔥 4.7k points
The cinematography in Criminal Minds is doing all the heavy lifting and it shows
Honestly, Criminal Minds would be a tight 95-minute movie. Instead we got a bloated runtime padded with B-roll and lingering shots that add nothing.
💬 712 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/criticalkino · u/MidnightMatinee🔥 1.6k points
Hot Take: Criminal Minds's third act ruined what could have been a masterpiece
Just got out of Criminal Minds and I'm convinced critics are being paid in residuals. Two genuinely good scenes do not make a film. Convince me otherwise.
💬 346 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD