@CREDITS_FLEE2026-01-30 18:00 UTC
Slow Horses has the emotional range of a fridge magnet.
2022 · Drama / Thriller
Slow Horses
BURN INDEX · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED17%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 ROASTS REGISTERED
SALT SHAKER · PLATFORM AVG
LOCKED23%
COMMUNITY LEDGER · 0 SALT SHAKES LOGGED
TOTAL LEDGER ENTRIES FOR THIS TITLE · 0 · LIVE
— WHERE TO WATCH
🔥 The Devil Tomato is sniffing out streaming services…
ICE COLD · STRUCTURALLY PERFECT
ICE COLD · 0–20%
Masterfully crafted. Un-roastable.
CERTIFIED COOKED · 71–100%
An absolute cinematic disaster.
No synopsis available. Probably for the best.
— THE CRITIC'S ROAST
🔥 CHARRING THE SCRIPT…
— AUDIENCE VERDICT TAGS · LIVE10 TAGS
— THE DOSSIER
RELEASE DATE
2022
RUNTIME
—
GENRE
Drama / Thriller
PLOT SUMMARY
Synopsis withheld out of mercy.
STARRING CAST
Cast information unavailable.
— SUBMIT A ROAST
Public Roast Feed
@RATIO_RAT2026-01-30 10:00 UTC
Even the popcorn looked bored during Slow Horses.
@REEL_DEAL2026-01-30 01:00 UTC
If Slow Horses was a meal, it'd be unsalted rice with extra ego.
@ROW_F_REGRET2026-01-14 15:00 UTC
Watched Slow Horses so you don't have to. You're welcome.
— FROM THE WILD
Unfiltered Reddit Outrage
Simulated r/movies discussion threads · curated commentary timeline.
r/TrueFilm · u/CinephileCynic🔥 4.8k points
Unpopular opinion: Slow Horses is the most overrated film of the decade
Rewatched Slow Horses last night and noticed even more plot holes than the first time. The motivations don't track at all once you stop and think about act two.
💬 333 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/boxoffice · u/ReelTalkRanter🔥 4.2k points
Why does no one talk about how mid the writing in Slow Horses actually is?
Director clearly thought Slow Horses was deeper than it is. There's a difference between ambiguous and unfinished, and this leans hard into the second.
💬 1,505 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD
r/flicks · u/BoomMicBoomer🔥 0.7k points
Hot Take: Slow Horses's third act ruined what could have been a masterpiece
Honestly, Slow Horses would be a tight 95-minute movie. Instead we got a bloated runtime padded with B-roll and lingering shots that add nothing.
💬 290 COMMENTS·SIMULATED THREAD